Non-Hebrew males haven’t had it this bad since God passed over the Hebrews on his way to slaughtering every first-born male son of the Egyptians.  The US Census Bureau reported yesterday that white American males are being aborted at a rate faster than they are being born. 

US Department of Demographic Design spokesman Phil Finkelstein expressed relief, “People have finally come around to the notion that white males are an anachronism, mainly unwelcome in this new age, except as artifacts of the progress that’s been made up to now, and blame sinks for the trouble in getting us here.”

Jim and Sally Striver, who aborted their white male fetus at around twenty weeks gestation, just inside the cutoff for mandatory pregnancy termination (MPT) without HHS approval for a live birth, explained their decision as follows:

“Considering the disadvantages for white males in America, we just couldn’t bear to see our child—any child–so afflicted”, said Sally.

Nodding agreement, Jim Striver added, “Every white American male is born with three strikes against him.  The feminists believe he’s nothing but a future sexual assault/rape suspect.  The blacks believe he’s a plantation overlord in miniature.  And the Hispanics think he’ll want them deported.  And none of that includes the official pogrom against them.  What is the point of bequeathing a kid that legacy of hate?  Just kill him aborning, before the others can get to him.” 

Sally Strivers pointed out that things might have been different had the medical community finally discovered the genetic marker for homosexuality, and her doctors had found it in their child:  “Of course we wouldn’t have aborted him had they been able to assure us of his homosexuality.  But they couldn’t, and what then, if he’d turned out to be not only white, male and American, but also heterosexual?  His whole life he would have carried the stigma of potential rapist along with the normal stuff of serial, rapacious, racist capitalist.  Had we only known he would be homosexual, and that his whiteness and maleness would not have disqualified him from the protections of the Supreme Court of Victimization, I would have applied to have the pregnancy excepted from MPT.  But without knowing for sure that he would be homosexual, it was best to just allow MPT to proceed.”

Finkelstein noted that MPT, which only allows a very select few white males to be born each year, has reduced the demographic of white males to under 10% of the population—just enough, he said, “To place the blame for social ills squarely on their shoulders, but not enough that a critical mass may arise through which they might be capable of shrugging off the chains of their guilt.”

The Strivers, who are non-black and non-Hispanic of indeterminate European ancestry (i.e., officially, “white”), considered having Sally impregnated by a member of the Pure Africans, a group whose members claim to have undiluted African blood stretching to the days of slavery, in a bid to afford the baby, whatever its gender, a protected status, but opted instead for traditional fertilization by Jim. 

Said Sally, “We are sort of retro.  We even decided to conceive the old way, via vaginal intercourse, which was terribly painful and uncomfortable for me, and quite awkward for Jim, but we managed somehow.  And we decided to let nature take its course in determining the gender of our child.  We knew there was about a fifty-fifty chance the baby would be male, but put those thoughts aside after the copulating classes, and just took our chances.  When it turned out that the baby was male, we were crestfallen.  After much deliberation, we decided to do the only humane thing and kill it before it had to suffer the indignity of being born white and male and American.”

Jim, thirty years old, added that, though he was born before the program of mandatory castrations and repetitive indoctrination lashings was instituted for any white male who approached a female sexually, he still would not wish his life as a superfluous societal outcast and blame sink on any young man, and could not fathom why anyone would bring a white male baby to term.  “You give a kid life so that he can be abused and belittled and tortured?  What sort of person does that make you?”  He asked.

The Census Bureau further reported that fertility levels had declined below half a baby per female, not enough to keep the ongoing population decline from accelerating, even considering that over the last three decades, almost three-fourths of live births have been female.  Among whites, the fertility rate is nil.  Jim and Sally were one of only a handful of white-only couples who conceived last year.

In unrelated news, the US Federal Reserve announced that its policy of consistent devaluation of the currency, begun at about the same time as population growth leveled off and began its precipitous decline, said it plans to lop two zeros off the dollar, making a hundred-dollar bill equal to a dollar, a dollar equal to a penny, etc.  The move will mean that instead of every man, woman and child in the US owing well in excess of half a billion dollars in national debt on a per capita basis, they will now only owe about $6 million dollars each.  But they pointed out the decline is only an accounting change, and that the per capita debt will continue growing, given the ongoing decline in population, no matter how much new debt is undertaken.  It is thought that the policy of incessantly increasing per capita debt has kept economic performance from declining even more severely than it otherwise would have in the half century since the policy was implemented.